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★ Special Birthday Edition ★ Extra! Extra! ★
The Unicorn Gazette
“All the News That Sparkles✨”
MIA RODRIGUEZ, 7, TOO WISE FOR THIS WORLD
By Our Correspondent in the Enchanted Forest
At precisely 7 years old, Mia Rodriguez has accumulated enough wisdom, kindness, and personal style to fill several newspapers — but we only have space for one, so we'll do our best.
Mia, who has been seven for approximately one whole day, reports that being seven feels 'basically the same as six, but more official.' Our researchers can confirm that while the molecular structure of Mia has not changed, the quality of her opinions has measurably improved.
Known throughout her household for her deep expertise in unicorns, rainbows, and reading books under her covers with a flashlight well past bedtime, Mia has this year added several new subjects to her portfolio: gymnastics, Very Strong Opinions About What Is Fair, and the art of convincing her parents to let her stay up just ten more minutes.
“"Seven feels basically the same as six, but more official." — Mia, age 7, this morning”
Mia Rodriguez, age 7, in her natural habitat.
'She negotiates like a tiny attorney,' her father confirmed. 'And honestly, her arguments are usually pretty solid.'
YEAR SEVEN: BY THE NUMBERS
Official statistics from the Bureau of Mia Research: books read this year, too many to count. Cartwheels performed in the living room, approximately 300. Times she explained something to an adult that the adult should have already known, 47. Friends made, several wonderful ones. Drawings completed, stacked to impressive height. Arguments won using only logic and big eyes, roughly 60% of attempts. Unicorns spotted, zero confirmed but she remains optimistic.
THINGS THE GAZETTE HAS CONFIRMED ABOUT MIA
Mia has read every unicorn book in a 12-mile radius. She has opinions about which ones got the ears right.
She can do a cartwheel, a round-off, and a very convincing bridge. The couch has survived.
Her laugh sounds like a surprise and a celebration at the same time. Scientists are studying it.
When she draws unicorns, she gives each one a name, a personality, and a detailed backstory. This is journalism.
She knows exactly how many more minutes of screen time she has. She tracks this better than her parents do.
Studies confirm that a hug from Mia can fix most problems. Further research is ongoing.
Mia maintains a private ranking of every rainbow she has ever seen, from 'decent' to 'absolutely breathtaking.'
Eyewitness Accounts
The Rodriguez family, circa year seven.
“Seven years ago I held this tiny baby and thought 'wow.' I still think that every single day. Just now she also talks back.”
— Mom
“She asked me the other day why rainbows don't stay. I said I didn't know. She said, 'Maybe they're shy.' I've been thinking about that ever since.”
— Dad
“Mia is the funniest person I know and she's also really nice. She shares her snacks. That's the main thing.”
— Her best friend Sophie
“Mia brings so much warmth to our classroom. She cheers for everyone, not just herself. That's a rare thing at any age.”
— Her teacher, Ms. Park
✦ Public Notice ✦
Grand Celebration Forthcoming
You are formally invited to celebrate the seventh revolution of the sun around Mia Rodriguez. Festivities will include: cake with rainbow layers (she specified), a craft station for decorating horns, at least one game involving running very fast, and more glitter than is strictly advisable. The birthday girl requests that guests arrive ready to have fun and prepared to accept a friendship bracelet she made herself.
Exclusive Interview
MIA SPEAKS: AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE BIRTHDAY GIRL
The Mia Times sat down with the birthday kid for an exclusive interview.
Mia Rodriguez, age 7, in her exclusive interview.
Q: Mia, seven is a big number. How does it feel to be seven?
A: It feels the same but also more serious. I have more responsibilities now. Like I'm in charge of making sure everyone believes in unicorns.
Q: Some of our readers remain skeptical about unicorns. Your response?
A: That's their problem. Unicorns are real and they just haven't found the right forest yet. I have a list of forests.
Q: You're known for your expertise in gymnastics. Are you planning to go to the Olympics?
A: Yes. But first I need to learn the flip thing. And also my teacher says I need to stop doing cartwheels in the hallway.
Q: What is the most unfair thing that has ever happened to you?
A: When I have to go to bed and the sun is still awake. That is extremely unfair and I have told my parents this many times.
Q: If you could give adults one piece of advice, what would it be?
A: Listen more. Also, rainbow cake should be allowed at all meals, not just birthdays. That is also advice.
Q: What's the best thing about being you?
A: I know all the unicorn names. Also I'm very good at friendship bracelets. I made you one. It's in my pocket.
Q: Any plans for year seven?
A: Find a unicorn. Learn the flip. Read all the books. Have more birthday cake. In that order.
YEAR SEVEN: THE GAZETTE PREDICTS
Unicorn Search Intensifies
Mia's systematic search of forests, meadows, and magical clearings is projected to expand. Several promising leads will be investigated.
The Flip Achieved
Sources close to the gymnastics team predict Mia will master the flip by autumn. The hallway cartwheels will continue regardless.
Books Devoured
Conservative estimates suggest Mia will read upwards of 50 books by flashlight this year, several of them after 9pm and without permission.
Rainbow Rankings Updated
Mia's private rainbow ranking system is expected to expand significantly following spring showers. New tiers may be added.
Glitter Everywhere
Forecasters predict significant glitter dispersion in the Rodriguez household through at least Q3. This is not considered a problem.
Arguments Won
With the upgrade to age 7, legal scholars predict Mia's bedtime negotiation success rate will increase from 60% to at least 73%.
Stars & Portents
Gemini
Dearest Gemini, your seventh year brings the gift of words — and you were already so good with them. This is the year your imagination becomes a superpower: the stories you tell, the pictures you draw, the worlds you invent will start to feel very real indeed. That's because they are. Your natural curiosity will lead you somewhere wonderful. Trust your instincts, especially about unicorns. They're probably right.
Classified Advertisements
SEEKING
One (1) real unicorn. Glitter optional but preferred. Will provide excellent home, daily brushing, and custom-drawn portrait. Contact: Mia, Age 7, Serious Inquiries Only.
FOR TRADE
Advanced knowledge of which My Little Pony characters are actually unicorns vs. pegasi vs. alicorns. Will trade for more books or gymnastics lessons.
NOTICE
The Rainbow Association of Birthday Girls hereby certifies that Mia has met all requirements for a spectacular seventh year. Certificate: this newspaper.
MESSAGE
To Mia, on her 7th birthday: You are kinder than you know, funnier than you realize, and braver than you feel. The world is genuinely better with you in it. — Everyone Who Loves You
The Unicorn Gazette · Birthday Edition · Printed with love
🦄✨🦄The Unicorn Gazette is a publication of the Rodriguez Press
Established December 15, 2018 — The Day Everything Changed
"Seven years of sparkle, unicorns, and cartwheels in the living room"
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